Tuesday, October 28, 2008

HELP!!

Ok, I finally broke down and let go of my pride... I must admit I am THE WORST housekeeper EVER! My husband is amazing and does everything around the house. Every night when he leaves for practice I tell him I'll do something to help clean up one of the rooms in this messy house, and then i look around and get so extremely overwhelmed that I never do anything.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else was like this when they got married, or when they moved out of their house?? It's so hard for me to get into a cleaning routine. I get home from work 5-6 days out of the week and I just want to relax. I don't know how to motivate myself... any ideas!?! I want to become the best housewife for not only me, but for Bryce. He deserves the perfect wife and I just want to try to be that for him.

8 comments:

danakat said...

First of all, there is no such thing as the perfect wife. So stop trying to be something that is not going to happen.
Second, you both are learning how to vibe together and as individuals. He's had longer to figure things out...his mission for example. You went straight from just your own room that your mom would have cleaned if necessary to an entire house that only you and he are responsible for.
Third, start small. Don't get overwhelmed by looking at the big picture. If you were home all day, I'd tell you to get over it and just get it done, but you work...so you get leniency. :)
How about one time you just focus on picking up clothes. Then you focus on cleaning off the kitchen counters. Then you focus on keeping the sink cleared of unnecessary build-up. You get the idea. Make a list of what bugs you the most and work your way down from there.
Last, let Bryce know how you're feeling. Tell him you feel overwhelmed but that you want to make him happy with the type of house you keep. Ask him what would make him most comfortable. You could make that be your #1 priority. Take time to relax, though. Working nonstop in or out of the home gets old. Everybody needs some down time.
You'll get it figured out. It doesn't have to be now or even within the first year. You literally have forever to get adjusted. Just don't get frustrated. Enjoy the time you have with him. And let him enjoy you without you being stressed and feeling inadequate. He loves you. Let him see how much you love being loved.


Okay, that's enough of my epistle for now. If you would like the next installment...
:)
Love ya.

Cari said...

This is what has worked for me. I focus on the living room and kitchen everyday. Those are the 2 rooms we spend most of our waking hours in. Even if the rest of the house is in complete chaos, it makes me feel better knowing that those 2 rooms are in some kind of order. I also make sure that our bed is made everyday. I never did that growing up but if the bed is made it just makes the bedroom look neater, even if our laundry is completely covering the dresser! Then the rest of the rooms I kind of assign a day too. For example, I clean the bathrooms every Monday. Dana is right on when she said start small and little by little things will get done. I don't know anyone who's house is spotless everyday so don't be too hard on yourself. You should see my craft room right now! Scary!

Cali said...

I agree with Dana. You are just getting to use to living together it takes a while. Especially not living on your own. I had 6 years by myself and my DH had longer. Seriously though stop stressing it makes it worse!! Both me and DH work till almost 6:30 so I understand how you're exhausted and don't want to clean. That's us.

So I made a routine. Each Sunday or Saturday (whichever is easier) for about 2 hours is cleaning time. This includes mopping floors, vacuuming, all laundry (a week is one and half loads), bathroom and big things like that. During the week we make sure that after dinner we clean up always! If you leave it it gets grosser and harder to do. So we put all dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When it's full then we run it. We also make sure to pick up before bed. Anything laying about. I also concentrate on living and kitchen. That way any guests will only see the clean rooms. ;) I make our bed each morning. And when you take off clothes put them in hampers. It keeps clothes off the floor. Get assigned hampers...one for colors one for whites or one for him and one for you. Then on the weekend you do the laundry and put it away.

Once you do it you get in a routine and it's easy. We also have cats so we clean the litter box each night. So it's just two scoops done. So no stinky litter. I also have a great DH that doesn't let everything fall on me. Since we both work we do everything together. We cook together and clean together. It makes me not as stressed out and it makes it go super fast. Don't take it all. Of course sometimes I just do it when I know he's super exhausted. You'll get in the groove. But give yourself time to get use to it too. Another thing that might help is making a chart. Each day chores and each week chores. So you can look and know what you've done and what you need to do each day. Good luck and you'll be fine!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Dana's epistle and what Cari and Cali had to say.

It takes awhile to fit into an individual and couple routine. I have been married for almost 11 years and am still trying to learn how to keep up with it all.

Just do the best you can, make yourself do what you may not want to and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day or two. Those who keep their homes immaculate and are always on top of things have something else they slack in so don't try to be what seems to be perfect on the outside! :)

Stefanie H said...

Haha, i TOO agree with everyone else. U know that i was horrible at keeping my house clean at first too. Me and dusty simply did not want to clean. So it would Pile up. Do u work all day or part time? Normally what i'll do, is on my lunch break i'll normally clean the kitchen if its messy. Starting with the kitchen is always easiest for me...then when i get home in the evening I'll just pick up all the clothes laying around and put them in the laundry room.. straighten the couch.. vacuum.. the easy stuff. Then if i'm pooped.. i'm pooped! Then i'll tackle teh laundry the next day. :) But i find after One just BIG cleaning where everything is spotless... its SO much easier to juts keep it clean from there, ya know? :) I'll come help ya for a day sometime if ya want! Girls Cleaning day! woot! :)

I miss ya, girl!!

Roger, AnnaLee, and family said...

I worked and went to school when we were first married and so I understand the "overwhelmed" feelings and tired. I too agree with Dana there is no such thing a a perfect wife--you might be interested in http://www.flylady.net/ try this. I have gone here and have gotten some good ideas.

There was a book that I found after having Miss Amanda. . . I was a bit overwhelmed with all of the children and DH in the bishopric. It is written by Linda Eyre - I will get the name of the book to you, however right now I am having a brain warp. Let me share what stood out for me. she focused on 4 areas of her life and housework was last.
She takes time to set monthly goals for herself (I am still working on this one). Then she sets weekly goals that you can make daily goals from.

Daily goals
#1 - Take care of your needs spiritual, mental, social, and physical needs basically, it is hard to take care of others if you haven't taken care of your basics:
Scriptures, exercise program if you have one, personal prayer, time to read a favorite book, it may even include the need to have a hug from your spouse and someday your children, girl "time out" with your friends.

#2 - Your family's spiritual, physical, mental, (you get the idea) needs. Right now it is your DH so it is important to communicate with him what makes him happy and what are his needs.
For example for my familia: Any appointments they have or my own.
Ben needs help with some English papers, and completing a service project for his Duty to God, he also needs to know that I love him so maybe something special left on his pillow or a hug or etc.; Tyler needs some new sunday socks, and planning a b-day party for this week for him, again a note of love you or etc.; the three younger children are in need of my finding the make-up for Friday Halloween; Roger needs a date with his wife on Saturday (I need it too :), easy breakfast meals for him in the morning; expression of my love for him also. Okay and then you can prioritize in your mind what is pressing and needs to be done for the rest of the week and each day, it seems trivial that I have to remind myself to be loving, however there are days I need the reminder, they always get a hug out the door and "I love you". This week I need to pull together the family meal on sunday as we are having both sides of the family and friends join us for dinner after church because Tyler and Ben are being ordained.

#3 - Focus on your calling and serving others- What do you need to do to magnify your calling? Visiting Teaching - make appointments, or whatever you can do this week call and check in. Ask who needs some random service in your ward-who can you help as husband and wife or family?

I need to get my Sharing time pulled together, Orient one of the new teachers in Primary, Write a letter to a sister who doesn't want VT coming to her home, help with set up of Trunk or Treat.

#4 - Housework - focus on the areas like everyone else has mentioned. I always like to see how fast I can get housework items on my list I have made, done before one of the children or my husband gets home. I put on music and GO! If the children are home and they have their responsibilities I like them to have fun with it and we will time ourselves or race against one another or you get the idea. It is great when you can work together it isn't so overwhelming.

I hope this epistle doesn't overwhelm you. Everyone's suggestions are great! I think just starting is what is important and deciding together what you both need and want.

shari said...

I say don't worry about the house. You don't have kids yet just have fun with that man of yours. You will have the rest of your life to clean. clean together naked on the weekends before you have kids and you can't do that anymore.

Wendyrful said...

I enjoyed your talk the other night. I heard Shari saying something about being a bit scared when you started to say something she had commented about... now I can see why! ;-) I still get overwhelmed, and frustrated... Perfection is not really possible in this life... so, don't be too hard on yourself. Just keep trying. and follow all the good advice the other have given you. Good luck!