As I was driving home tonight from hanging out with Bryce, I felt the need to share my story about how I gained my testimony. I don't know why... Maybe someone can benefit from hearing it somehow. Anyways, here goes....
Many of you have known me for several years. My story starts almost 4 years ago. We had a youth conference that was amazing for us to be a part of the summer i after my ninth grade year. Most of you will remember, and a few were extremely involved in some way. We basically put together a performance that had 7 or 8 skits with singing in the beginning and so forth. At the dance during that youth conference, a "popular, older" guy asked me to dance. I, of course, assumed he had lost a bet or something. :) His name was Bryce. (This story is ironically not really about him, I just wanted to throw that in!) Haha ok so at this youth conference i started to have a crush on another older guy, but not quite as old as Bryce. I won't mention names, but most of you know who he is.
So anyways, i started to get a crush on him at that point. About 2 months later we started "going out." I thought i was the luckiest girl alive because not only was he "perfect," he was also a senior and i was only a sophomore. We dated pretty seriously without ever really dating seeing as how I was only 15. I fell in love with him, and i fell hard. (or what i thought was love) After 6 months of being together, and anticipating my 16Th birthday the whole time, he told me he didn't love me anymore 3 days before my birthday. It devastated me. I ended up having an amazing birthday with all of the my friends in our little "group," but it still wasn't the one i had been planning for 6 months.
Two days after my birthday that year, I tried to kill myself. I was very close to succeeding and it's a miracle I'm still here. That was the first time I was diagnosed with depression, even though I had probably had it for a long time before that.
Now, I am in no way blaming that young man for my actions. In fact, the next time I see him, I would like to thank him. And this is the reason. That is the time in my life when I gained my testimony.
A few weeks after that incident the bishop came over to my house and simply handed me a CD he had burned for me. He told me the two songs on there helped him get through a year before when his son was killed. He smiled, gave me a hug and walked away. That was all I needed was to know that people really did care.
I started going to church and realized that it made me happy. Being with people who knew nothing about what had happened and were still nice to me made me realize that I really was loved. Heavenly Father loved me too.
When you do something very wrong it's very hard to feel like you can go to your Heavenly Father and ask for forgiveness. Like he would be mad or something. I know that's not true anymore. The atonement is there for a reason. We should never not feel good enough to go to our Father in Heaven to ask for forgiveness.
Some people can grow up in the church and just have a wonderful testimony that has grown within them for years. Others, have to have an experience, either good or bad, to give them that knowledge.
I'm grateful to a young man who was brave enough to end a "not-so-great" relationship because I grew from it. At the time, I thought my life was over, literally. But I have come to realize that even a bad experience such as that was good because it got me where I am today. I have an amazing man in my life right now that holds the priesthood and is worthy to use it and we're going to be sealed for all time and eternity in 19 days. I'm thankful for the Atonement and I know it's real....
I hope someone can get something out of that long mess :) I just felt like I needed to get it out.
11 months ago